Anxiety and Depression · Self Improvement

I Can Change

[I Can Change” – Lake Street Dive]

I am scared. Contrary to what it seems with my penchant to travel alone; jump out of airplanes; and voice my life’s trials, tribulations, experiences, and beautiful embarrassments in this very public space… I really exist in an anxious and largely scared state of mind. Maybe I am like the Bruce Banner of anxiety… Maybe it’s my superhero burden to bear (wow, self important much, Liz? Though, green is my favorite color…) Continue reading “I Can Change”

Adventure · Self Improvement

I Ain’t Done (Being Young)*

[I Ain’t Done” – Louis Barabbas & The Bedlam Six]
*I should have posted this earlier, but since this is my birth-month I hope you kind people will allow me a pass. It’s been a busy week in the most spectacular way possible.

Ladies and gents, I am now 28 years old. As of Monday, 3/19/18, I have entered my 29th year of life. My dudes, I am getting old. But, as they say, age is just a number right? Just an arbitrary counting system to assign a numerical value and therefore more coherent concept to the passage of time and, outside of the body’s obvious physical trek, upon each human’s progress through existence. “Growing old is mandatory and growing up is optional” as they say but there has to be some sort of comfortable balance I can reach, right? Somewhere between young/feckless and old/immovable.

Continue reading “I Ain’t Done (Being Young)*”

Thoughts

Sisters are Doing it for Themselves

[“Sisters are Doing it for Themselves” – Eurythmics feat. Aretha Franklin]
Can we talk for a second about the spectacular power of Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox on one stage? Chills.

My darling dears, I wish you the happiest and most empowering International Women’s Day you can imagine. I’d also call out that International Men’s Day is November 19, mark your calendars for that as well.

Anyway, I am here today to discuss adulting and feminism. Buckle up and enjoy. At the ripe old age of 28 I have decided that I need to be better informed so, during the 2+ hour commute I have every day I have been listening to NPR in an active attempt to be an adult and understand some of the acronyms bandied about on the regular, not to mention be in the ever more depression “know” about the latest global strife (seriously, can’t we just get along?). These listening sessions have run the gambit from inspiring irrational anger to thoughtful introspection and everywhere in between.

A hot topic of late, outside of gun rights and steel tariffs? Women (yass queen).  Continue reading “Sisters are Doing it for Themselves”

Self Improvement

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise

[Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise” – The Avett Brothers]
“Decide what to be and go be it…”

From the Desk of…

My mom has gifted me a desk. This simple sentence brings me more joy than I can possibly express. I have not had a real desk for the better part of a decade and even then it was that piece of my college furniture that served more as a resting place for books, sweatshirts, and sundry nonsense than it did as a useful writing surface. I already love this small wood structure an unreasonable amount and have great plans for its physical improvement (someone did this beautiful piece the disservice of “up-cycling” and painting its ornate solid oak surface a “shabby chic” distressed and dusty baby blue with seashell motif knobs – not exactly my style but there is a lot of scope for the imagination when it comes to putting it all to rights again). A writer needs a desk, and this one, with its current imperfections, is a reflection of the writer in question; a work in progress, as it were. Continue reading “Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise”

Self Improvement

Lost in My Mind

[Lost in My Mind” – The Head and the Heart]

Being sick sucks y’all… Here I am saying that I need to stop laying on the couch feeling sorry for myself but this is literally what a stupid cold is forcing me to do. The weather needs to get itself together and stop being a moron so that some of us can actually breathe. Anyway, in an effort to overcome, as always, I am here with more topics for consideration since I literally can’t take the sullen introspection anymore.


Continue reading “Lost in My Mind”

Silliness

Sadie Hawkins Dance

[“Sadie Hawkins Dance” – Relient K]
Or

Ladies Choice for Laughter 

I am struggling today. I don’t truly know why and it doesn’t truly matter. This is a well worn feeling and it’s not something to worry about overall. More importantly, the world is struggling right now. There is so much hate and bile being spit across genders, races, political leanings, sides in the toilet paper placement war, pineapple on pizza aficionados… The list is endless. Sometimes, you just need to laugh. So, today, rather than sharing the self important drivel that I usually spout (yes, yes, I know, it’s important to talk it out… I am allowed to feel, blah, blah, blah…) I’d love to share some of my favorite things and hopefully elicit a laugh (this time, not at my expense). I hope one of the myriad things below makes you smile… they have been helping me recently and I just felt the need to share the love and laughter. Continue reading “Sadie Hawkins Dance”

Adventure · Anxiety and Depression · Lifestyle · Self Improvement

All Will Be Well

[“All Will Be Well” – Gabe Dixon Band]

I feel as though I can be comfortable with the expectations I have set for myself this year. Last year didn’t kill me, so if that is my base line, I at least know I can survive this one given nothing actually, physically, disastrous happens (I am currently knocking on every form of wood I can reach). I have said the purpose of life is to survive it, but that was admittedly during one of my darker moments. Right now, I can see with the foggy realization, the general though occasionally begrudging acceptance that despite the difficulty, the purpose of life is to live it—with some damn VIGOR where possible.

The tragedies of last year are of the past, I am clinging to them as a bad dream, lest I forget all together, but I now intend to live with some kind of intention after a really rough six months (at least, you know, until all the enthusiasm wears off and everyone leaves the gym again—kidding, mostly). It was all a bad dream (sorry for bastardizing the words, Biggie), it’s now time to wake up.

Continue reading “All Will Be Well”

Anxiety and Depression · Thoughts

Tough to Be a Dreamer

[“Tough to be a Dreamer” – Felix Hagan and the Family]

I am a fervent dreamer, or at least, I have been in the past. I dream of happy endings; of love, adventures, and success. But recently, my happy endings have disappeared, replaced with deeply suspicious heroines and heroes who end up being betrayed or avoiding risk in favor of comfort..

Dear reader, I am writing, after too long an absence, as one such heroine because I have found myself becoming tired of hearing my own voice. I want to help spread hope and smiles; I want to show those in a similar situation that there is a solid chance for better days; I want to hold my flag of independence high, as I, fearless and free, lead an army of the beautifully broken.

But, instead of being this emblem of hope, I am experiencing some serious existential pain both helped and hindered by the coming of 2018 and the stereotypical ruminations that this time of year inspires. Despite my fatigue with the emotional inferno burning inside of me, I have to get the words and pain out somehow. I have been hiding myself away in the hope that if I ignore the pain, it will go away. But, as my amazing father always says, “Hope is not a valid strategy.” So, here I am.

Essentially, I have been half-assing my bravery, and this just will not, cannot, stand.  Continue reading “Tough to Be a Dreamer”

Lifestyle · Nerd-isms

The Wrote and the Writ

[“The Wrote and the Writ” – Johnny Flynn]

It’s been a while since I posted. While life, uh, finds a way… Life also, uh, gets in the way (most of the time in the best possible way!). I’m not going to apologize for having one. Besides, this is my therapy and I’ll write if I want to (don’t take my words as too defiant, I missed being here)!

Continue reading “The Wrote and the Writ”