I thought, when posting recently about the birth of this writing outlet, on my personal Facebook page, that it would maybe garner some small interest from those who have been emotionally invested in the situation following “The Day”… No offense to any of you, but I never expected the outpouring of love and support I have received across platforms. I know all of you are wonderful and supportive people, but what’s one more sob story in a world experiencing so many right now? I am overwhelmed and cannot thank you enough for your compassion. Each kind word has greatly helped silence the little destructive bastards who have taken up residence in my chest (and brain) and I am eternally grateful to call you friends (yes, even the family members are friends, it’s an important distinction).
More than anything, starting this blog was initially intended as a means of “therapy” for myself… and a break for the lovely friends who have listened to me as I have slogged my way through the emotional Fireswamp my life has recently become (just hoping that the R.O.U.S.s are actually a myth because I don’t think my feline companion, as valiant as he may be, would be a fan). I never, ever, want to be a burden on anyone but I needed to find a way to take apart, brick by brick, the building-size pain that was sitting on my chest. Slowly adding to itself, like a game of Jenga straight from hell, making it harder to move and breathe. Those same lovely friends have told me countless times that I am not a burden but as I said, I am the hero, and while I know they, and you all, will always be there, I also know that it’s called PERSONAL growth for a reason.
I hope you will continue to follow me on this journey, and I do not disappoint in terms of emotional reflection, or at least comedic value. It was amazing to wake up this morning and look at the “stats” page that WordPress so lovingly provides and see the number of times people took the time to read what I had written (little ol’e me). Additionally, for those of you in very specific countries, it was a kick to be able to see that one reader in a far-off land and say “Hey! I know that person!.” This has given me a very visible and literal map of love, and it helps more than words can say.
For the Record…
I don’t want to sound superior, but given this absolutely staggering response, I feel obligated to make something extremely clear. Relationships end, and I do not fault he who will be deemed as “Said Person” for the fact that he was experiencing unhappiness. I thoroughly believe that he brought on much of his own unhappiness but I will also never claim, in any way, that I was perfect. I, just like everyone else, can be difficult to live with. I will always believe that we could have made it through the hard times, as we had before, but a relationship requires that kind of buy-in on both sides and it just wasn’t there. We are done and there is no changing the past.
This is my story and I will tell it as honestly and introspectively as I can, good and bad. This is not a diatribe and I do not ever want to be perceived as hateful or slanderous. I do find fault with the way we ended, and I believe I deserved much better, but again… there is no changing the past. People will do what they will, I have no control over that. I do, however, have control over myself and therefore I just wanted to make my intentions clear as I move forward. Live and let live is a solid approach to relationships of this nature… because honestly rage makes me nauseous and I like chocolate way too much to be bitter for long.
If you are expecting an exposé or tell-all, you’re in the wrong place. As I have said, I intend to live authentically, true to my core beliefs, and I don’t believe in dragging names through the mud or beating a dead horse (seriously, this is such a terrible saying). I still have care and concern for “Said Person” and would not trade the additional relationships I have gained through him, or the both good and bad experiences I have had, over the past decade for anything.
Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all and I am so glad to have each and every one of you in my life.
Photo: E. Campbell (2017)
New York, New York