Silliness

Sadie Hawkins Dance

[“Sadie Hawkins Dance” – Relient K]
Or

Ladies Choice for Laughter 

I am struggling today. I don’t truly know why and it doesn’t truly matter. This is a well worn feeling and it’s not something to worry about overall. More importantly, the world is struggling right now. There is so much hate and bile being spit across genders, races, political leanings, sides in the toilet paper placement war, pineapple on pizza aficionados… The list is endless. Sometimes, you just need to laugh. So, today, rather than sharing the self important drivel that I usually spout (yes, yes, I know, it’s important to talk it out… I am allowed to feel, blah, blah, blah…) I’d love to share some of my favorite things and hopefully elicit a laugh (this time, not at my expense). I hope one of the myriad things below makes you smile… they have been helping me recently and I just felt the need to share the love and laughter. Continue reading “Sadie Hawkins Dance”

Adventure · Anxiety and Depression · Lifestyle · Self Improvement

All Will Be Well

[“All Will Be Well” – Gabe Dixon Band]

I feel as though I can be comfortable with the expectations I have set for myself this year. Last year didn’t kill me, so if that is my base line, I at least know I can survive this one given nothing actually, physically, disastrous happens (I am currently knocking on every form of wood I can reach). I have said the purpose of life is to survive it, but that was admittedly during one of my darker moments. Right now, I can see with the foggy realization, the general though occasionally begrudging acceptance that despite the difficulty, the purpose of life is to live it—with some damn VIGOR where possible.

The tragedies of last year are of the past, I am clinging to them as a bad dream, lest I forget all together, but I now intend to live with some kind of intention after a really rough six months (at least, you know, until all the enthusiasm wears off and everyone leaves the gym again—kidding, mostly). It was all a bad dream (sorry for bastardizing the words, Biggie), it’s now time to wake up.

Continue reading “All Will Be Well”

Anxiety and Depression · Thoughts

Tough to Be a Dreamer

[“Tough to be a Dreamer” – Felix Hagan and the Family]

I am a fervent dreamer, or at least, I have been in the past. I dream of happy endings; of love, adventures, and success. But recently, my happy endings have disappeared, replaced with deeply suspicious heroines and heroes who end up being betrayed or avoiding risk in favor of comfort…

Dear reader, I am writing, after too long an absence, as one such heroine because I have found myself becoming tired of hearing my own voice. I want to help spread hope and smiles; I want to show those in a similar situation that there is a solid chance for better days; I want to hold my flag of independence high, as I, fearless and free, lead an army of the beautifully broken.

But, instead of being this emblem of hope, I am experiencing some serious existential pain both helped and hindered by the coming of 2018 and the stereotypical ruminations that this time of year inspires. Despite my fatigue with the emotional inferno burning inside of me, I have to get the words and pain out somehow. I have been hiding myself away in the hope that if I ignore the pain, it will go away. But, as my amazing father always says, “Hope is not a valid strategy.” So, here I am.

Essentially, I have been half-assing my bravery, and this just will not, cannot, stand.  Continue reading “Tough to Be a Dreamer”

Lifestyle · Nerd-isms

The Wrote and the Writ

[“The Wrote and the Writ” – Johnny Flynn]

It’s been a while since I posted. While life, uh, finds a way… Life also, uh, gets in the way (most of the time in the best possible way!). I’m not going to apologize for having one. Besides, this is my therapy and I’ll write if I want to (don’t take my words as too defiant, I missed being here)!

Continue reading “The Wrote and the Writ”

Nerd-isms · Silliness · Thoughts

Golden Dandelions

[“Golden Dandelions” – Barns Courtney]

The birds and the bees, fascinating right? No, you perv, get your head out of the gutter. I am speaking of the literal, not the figurative… Nature, it’s awesome. I feel most at peace when I get to walk through rustling trees, sit on a jetty and listen to the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore, lay in a hammock and feel the breeze, or stop and smell every single flower and revel in their colors and intricacies…

I find myself frequently seeking the company of “alternative” living things, instead of people (no offense, it’s an introvert thing). Within these spaces and circumstances, I can feel entirely myself. I don’t have to worry about garnering the attention of people who will potentially judge me, I can just be. I really have come to the conclusion that this is why I like plants and animals so much… Even if they are judging me, I wouldn’t really know (#introvertproblems).

Continue reading “Golden Dandelions”

Anxiety and Depression

Today is Lacking in Music…

I want to write today. I want to speak my truth. I want to say what I am feeling and thinking. I want to be beautiful and wonderful and have the most intuitive and inspiring things to say. Things that will set the world on fire with a passion for living, loving, and thriving. I want to give to you all something to hold warm and close on this gray, and now seemingly prematurely dark, day because quite frankly I’m struggling to find the happy in today. Continue reading “Today is Lacking in Music…”

Nerd-isms · Thoughts

I Put a Spell on You

[“I Put a Spell on You” – Bette Midler]*

Ruminations as I sit and watch Clue, one of the best movies in the entire world, after having passed out candy to the neighborhood kids. This movie is perfect for Halloween celebrations and an ideal complement to The Addams Family, which I watched earlier this week. Now I just need to watch Young Frankenstein and I am set!


Tonight, I am Louise Belcher.  Continue reading “I Put a Spell on You”

Introversion · Lifestyle

Save Yourself

[“Save Yourself” – Kaleo]

Last night, I lived the dream of every introvert. I had an entire row of seats to myself for the majority of a concert. Five whole seats, my bag and jacket had a seat. I had three more seats that were just… There, should I happen to need them. I didn’t have to get up every time someone had to pee. I could sit on the aisle and not awkwardly in the middle, rubbing elbows with strangers. I had a great view over the rail. Life was GOOD.

Continue reading “Save Yourself”

Adventure · Anxiety and Depression · Relationships · Thoughts

Exeunt/Stay With Me Baby

Don’t Worry, I Won’t Be Long…

Today is our wedding anniversary. Were it not for yesterday marking three months since our separation, we would have been married two years as of today. What is three months? Long enough, apparently, for an individual world to toss about like a boat in a tempest and still not find equilibrium. Three months is a quarter of a year, one eighth of my marriage. We were together for seven years, friends for three longer than that. Three months may seem like nothing until you factor in the finality… The fact that each day adds to a week, each week adds to a month, and each month leads to a year. In three more months, it will be six, half a year… The thing that was my whole world is just gone, it’s an ineffable feeling to conceptualize. I am astonished by how seemingly slowly time passes, until it’s of the past and then I wonder where it’s gone.

Because of this anniversary, everything is shades of blue today. Not happy, periwinkle blue or deep, lusty cobalt… the blue of haze and sadness. It’s not even a good, thematic blue that complements the musical genre. Or an adorable dog from a children’s show. This blue is dull and characterless. Unfortunately, though, its lack of character is still all encompassing and eye catching in its grungy hue. It has stained my world and made it dingy – incapable of any sparkle (not the pansy vampire kind). Worst of all, this blue has a liquid quality, leaking through the cracks around each door I try to close in an attempt to hold it off. Continue reading “Exeunt/Stay With Me Baby”