Anxiety and Depression · Lifestyle

The Heart is a Muscle

The Heart is a Muscle” – Gang of Youths

Hello friends, and greetings from the Philadelphia airport.

It’s been six months since I last wrote.

Six whole months.

Half a year…

You may not have missed me (*sniff* I understand), but I have. I can’t explain it other than to say that my soul has felt void of verbal potential. I’ve had trouble filling a page in a DIARY. And the more I put off trying, the harder it’s become. So I am hoping this post will be some sort of proverbial band aid rip. Painful but necessary.

Continue reading “The Heart is a Muscle”
Relationships · Silliness · Thoughts

Somebody to Love

[Somebody to Love” – Queen]

* I am just going to go ahead and put this p.s. at the beginning for all you lovely people. A pre, rather than post, script, as it were. One year ago, as of this past Monday, I started this blog and it has found its meandering way into my routine as an important outlet. Thank you for taking this emotionally intense trip with me. One year, man… That’s a big deal to me. I am being facetiously dramatic by saying that I’ve recently gone through a crisis of blog faith and I would like to thank a few lovely women who assured me that it’s not JUST self important aggrandizing (ha)… It can sometimes help others in terms of offering the scope they need in their own lives. I am honored to provide whatever assistance I can by sharing my experience; as others have done for me (maybe in a more justified and eloquent capacity but I do what I can). For all intents and purposes it really is my aim to Hamlet the hell out of life (the actual play, and not just my cat, in this instance) and “hold, as ’twere, the mirror up to nature.” But I digress. 


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Nerd-isms · Self Improvement

The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf

It seems that it’s around this time during the month that not only do I feel obligated to write again, but I feel the words bouncing and tearing around inside me looking to ricochet across a broader space than my mere insides can provide. They want the room to roam and be free, so here I am yet again.

That being said, I come to you today with a literary title rather than a musical one*: The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf by Gerald Morris.

*To be honest, and despite what it may seem with my running title theme, in the war for my affections, it’s often hard to tell if music or literature is winning. There are worse situations to be in.  Continue reading “The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf”
Anxiety and Depression · Self Improvement

I Can Change

[I Can Change” – Lake Street Dive]

I am scared. Contrary to what it seems with my penchant to travel alone; jump out of airplanes; and voice my life’s trials, tribulations, experiences, and beautiful embarrassments in this very public space… I really exist in an anxious and largely scared state of mind. Maybe I am like the Bruce Banner of anxiety… Maybe it’s my superhero burden to bear (wow, self important much, Liz? Though, green is my favorite color…) Continue reading “I Can Change”

Self Improvement

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise

[Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise” – The Avett Brothers]
“Decide what to be and go be it…”

From the Desk of…

My mom has gifted me a desk. This simple sentence brings me more joy than I can possibly express. I have not had a real desk for the better part of a decade and even then it was that piece of my college furniture that served more as a resting place for books, sweatshirts, and sundry nonsense than it did as a useful writing surface. I already love this small wood structure an unreasonable amount and have great plans for its physical improvement (someone did this beautiful piece the disservice of “up-cycling” and painting its ornate solid oak surface a “shabby chic” distressed and dusty baby blue with seashell motif knobs – not exactly my style but there is a lot of scope for the imagination when it comes to putting it all to rights again). A writer needs a desk, and this one, with its current imperfections, is a reflection of the writer in question; a work in progress, as it were. Continue reading “Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise”

Self Improvement

Lost in My Mind

[Lost in My Mind” – The Head and the Heart]

Being sick sucks y’all… Here I am saying that I need to stop laying on the couch feeling sorry for myself but this is literally what a stupid cold is forcing me to do. The weather needs to get itself together and stop being a moron so that some of us can actually breathe. Anyway, in an effort to overcome, as always, I am here with more topics for consideration since I literally can’t take the sullen introspection anymore.


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Adventure · Anxiety and Depression · Lifestyle · Self Improvement

All Will Be Well

[“All Will Be Well” – Gabe Dixon Band]

I feel as though I can be comfortable with the expectations I have set for myself this year. Last year didn’t kill me, so if that is my base line, I at least know I can survive this one given nothing actually, physically, disastrous happens (I am currently knocking on every form of wood I can reach). I have said the purpose of life is to survive it, but that was admittedly during one of my darker moments. Right now, I can see with the foggy realization, the general though occasionally begrudging acceptance that despite the difficulty, the purpose of life is to live it—with some damn VIGOR where possible.

The tragedies of last year are of the past, I am clinging to them as a bad dream, lest I forget all together, but I now intend to live with some kind of intention after a really rough six months (at least, you know, until all the enthusiasm wears off and everyone leaves the gym again—kidding, mostly). It was all a bad dream (sorry for bastardizing the words, Biggie), it’s now time to wake up.

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Anxiety and Depression · Thoughts

Tough to Be a Dreamer

[“Tough to be a Dreamer” – Felix Hagan and the Family]

I am a fervent dreamer, or at least, I have been in the past. I dream of happy endings; of love, adventures, and success. But recently, my happy endings have disappeared, replaced with deeply suspicious heroines and heroes who end up being betrayed or avoiding risk in favor of comfort…

Dear reader, I am writing, after too long an absence, as one such heroine because I have found myself becoming tired of hearing my own voice. I want to help spread hope and smiles; I want to show those in a similar situation that there is a solid chance for better days; I want to hold my flag of independence high, as I, fearless and free, lead an army of the beautifully broken.

But, instead of being this emblem of hope, I am experiencing some serious existential pain both helped and hindered by the coming of 2018 and the stereotypical ruminations that this time of year inspires. Despite my fatigue with the emotional inferno burning inside of me, I have to get the words and pain out somehow. I have been hiding myself away in the hope that if I ignore the pain, it will go away. But, as my amazing father always says, “Hope is not a valid strategy.” So, here I am.

Essentially, I have been half-assing my bravery, and this just will not, cannot, stand.  Continue reading “Tough to Be a Dreamer”

Lifestyle · Nerd-isms

The Wrote and the Writ

[“The Wrote and the Writ” – Johnny Flynn]

It’s been a while since I posted. While life, uh, finds a way… Life also, uh, gets in the way (most of the time in the best possible way!). I’m not going to apologize for having one. Besides, this is my therapy and I’ll write if I want to (don’t take my words as too defiant, I missed being here)!

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Anxiety and Depression

Today is Lacking in Music…

I want to write today. I want to speak my truth. I want to say what I am feeling and thinking. I want to be beautiful and wonderful and have the most intuitive and inspiring things to say. Things that will set the world on fire with a passion for living, loving, and thriving. I want to give to you all something to hold warm and close on this gray, and now seemingly prematurely dark, day because quite frankly I’m struggling to find the happy in today. Continue reading “Today is Lacking in Music…”